You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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