I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
