i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
