Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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