Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
