Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
