Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
