i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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