Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
