your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
