I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
