i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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