So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
