Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize