I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
