I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Im part way to drunk.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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