your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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