I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
