Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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