Michael Bay diarrhea
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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