It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
