you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
