Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
