dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
