i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
