You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
