matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
