im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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