We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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