You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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