Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
