Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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