Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
