i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
