I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
