Whats the count minus fat chicks?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
