the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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