I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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