Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
