The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
