fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
