Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
