My first STD was from a foam party
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize