He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This house was built for laser tag.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
