The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
