I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just googled if crying burns calories
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
