This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
