i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
