I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
