dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
