and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
