I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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