Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
