what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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