i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
