i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
