and you said cock pushups were impossible
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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