I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
