I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
