I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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