where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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