just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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