at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
