I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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