Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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