Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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