I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
